Exalted

The need to be special leads to so much evil in the world. Isn’t it what motivates the racists? Doesn't it motivate the money-grubbing greed? Everybody wants to be special.

From Strong's Concordance:

Exalt
AV-exalt 9, ... up 9, haughty 5, higher 4, high 3, above 1, height 1,proud
1, upward 1; 34

I think the word that clarifies the essence of the desire is higher, wanting to be higher (than self, others). A lack of contentment
It isn’t that you are not content with yourself, it is not really a self-criticism.
I think it is the criticism or categorization of others. The desire to be special specifically to others in the world. It is locating the focus of your esteem in the approval of others and not God. Apparently this need is strong enough to destroy the earth in greed and hatred. God made us special to Him as His unique children.

Copying something that I wrote about self criticism: Other-criticism is not always a bad thing. It can be overdone. Others should be accepted recognizing that God has given them life and that their purpose is to serve Him. He has made them adequate to accomplish His will. He has given them everything in life to enjoy.

I think that what is missing is the acceptance of other people. I am able to think of them as precious individually, because I believe that each soul that comes to God is a beautiful thing, and in this I am not a respecter of persons. But groups I have not learned to love. I am convinced that there is wickedness in the masses. I now think that this may be irrelevant. Jesus accepted the masses, but corrected individuals. I on the other hand am afraid of the masses of people and it is safer not to accept them for fear of missing what I want to do. It is almost like that 'I drew a circle' poem.

Isn't this fear where the love of money comes from, (and that love is of course the root of all evil). The need to be special and how this leads to all consuming fear vs acceptance of self and others with no fear.

Now God, what are we supposed to accept and what are we not supposed to accept.I think we are supposed to accept everything. This is the Bible’s definition of love. (1Cor13) I think what the point is is to accept the condition in which you find humanity, and to allow God to work out His purposes in His earth. Jesus never tried to change anything politically.I think that we are even to accept evil in some way and not resist, as Jesus never reviled at others and left the evil ones for God to rebuke.(It is a very complicated subject because Jesus always rebuked the wrong that the Pharisees did. )

1. Be nice to the masses who are just trying.
2. Undo the work of the oppressors.
3. Learn to accept the masses and not be afraid of them.

Instead of being consumed by fear, accept.
Also how to live as a Christian with those who are obviously partially possessed

Hungry and Alone

We are born hungry and we are born alone, and the comforts of family, friends, food, career, riches are all only temporary distractions from our essential selves.

When these things are stripped away we become meaningless, our lives are without a point.

The struggle to fill these needs is what motivates us to live.

But our essential selves are cold, inert, and undiscovered-- unless we find the true spark
that gives life real meaning -- meaning that exists even without any of the things that can be taken away from us, that resonantes in our very core.

We are born to die
and if we continue to be distracted
we will miss the point of living.

The point of life is not to cover our weaknesses and nakedness.

It is to find the source and beginning of our naked selves.

How lovely it is when souls interact in pure concern for each other. Pure platonic altruism must be a gem in the eyes of heaven. A diamond that flashes purely in the dark brokenness of earth.

We are in essence so simple, and if we could understand our existence first then maybe we could move on to more complex things.

A Rearrangement of Priorities

It is the enslavement to fear, the worship and addiction to people around you, the restructuring of values, the overriding of the inclination to do good, and the eradication of the meek and lowly spirit of Christ in man that is the central and most important issue. It is irrelevant what system you come up with to accomplish this. It is only important that the focus of life has become destructive, even if this is only in little ways.

To learn a new committment to God I will have:
To believe that Jesus is willing to make earth into heaven, to imbue us and our lives with heavenly grace.

To believe that the darkness of this earth is for the glory of God to shine

To believe that my weakness is for the revelation of the Strength of Christ

To believe that we are earthen vessels so that all the power may be seen to be from God

To learn to glory in my weakness
to learn to turn away from all that I am
and embrace all that the Father has revealed to me
to learn to see the perfection of God in all that is

to learn to give up all things to Him
to learn to accept all things that He has given.

Well this is a rearrangement of priorities, that must be done

So first is God's spirit in me
His glory
His honor on earth

Next is everything else

Hate Hath no Harm for Love

Hate hath no harm for love, so ran the song,
And peace unweaponed
conquers every wrong!
(John Greenleaf Whitter)

Sanctuary

8:37 PM 11/3/2004
Am I becoming violent in spirit?
Have I lost the grace of patience?
Do I value viciousness?
Help me to avoid death in spirit

Now, instead of just enjoying life I measure and quantify it
Shouldnt someone pay ?

8:41 PM 11/3/2004
Let us create in here a sanctuary of sanity

Such a bother

He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a
prophet shall receive a prophet’s reward; and he that receiveth a righteous
man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man’s reward.
Matt 10:41

To honor one who God loves is to honor God.

In the end it is God who takes care of us. We think we are capable of love, but it is God who truly loves us and loves others. It is better to trust His love.

I have obviously made a mistake. I should not have listened to any suggestions, since now I am being haunted day and night by
worry and anxiety. It was completely unnecessary. It is foolish
for me to try to help, especially men, because you cannot help
anyone who does not want to be helped. But again if I had not
tried I would feel guilty because it became an obligation to God. I
am under obligation to the spirit of God to not turn away from
others if I do not want Him to turn away from me. Do you know
how many times I have been completely out of my mind and not
sure what was happening, and yet somehow God was there for
me? I pray that I will never turn someone away, or look the other
way when it is within my power to do good.

Or rather, it is better to let others who need your help come to
you. But really you CAN offer what you have available. If they
want something other than what you have, what can you do? If
they want something other than what you are able and willing to
offer, there is nothing that can be done.

Forgive me for bothering.

How very holy

How holy! To devote one's life to poverty. What God does to those He loves!

Why should any of us be called to poverty? Why doesnt God choose to accomplish the same thing in comfort since He is all powerful? How are we supposed to subdue ourselves without limits? There will be nothing of us left. How can God create us and then take away our selves? "When Christ calls a man he bids him come and die."

As they observe us from heaven where do the angels find the need to subdue someone beyond all reason? Perhaps we are privileged if we only understood. Also, even reason has to be subsumed under the will of God, but this is hardest of all. It seems that life should at least be reasonable.

How do I recognise it as being from God? Wouldn't this deify poverty itself? Asceticism should develop without choice as a result of following Jesus. It should be a by product of the heart's pain.

I would have to live it to know its results since Christ says the fruits are what determine value. I am impressed by St. Francis of Assisi, but I do not at all understand him.

Is it true that the world was created on October 7th? The day of atonement is around that time. Is October important in creation? Is there a blessing associated with the first month as there is one associated with the firstborn? Why does God like things that are first?

The recipe for evil

They miss the whole point of existence. They keep coming up with recipes for sequential twinkies, and they do not realize that life is not a succession of artificial cakes, but a simple garden of delights. We are to find and understand the perfection of what God has placed before us, not create monstrous and insipid realities out of viciousness. We wait until we are presented with reality and then find the beauty that He has necessarily place within it for us.

This is why they destroy life. They dont see that they dont need their heinous recipes, everything we need is already provided for us. They are the antimatter of existence and the black holes of the soul.

It is God, not good, that matters

It is a shame that Christ had no female apostles, although it must have been the convention of the times.

The danger of diverting the Christian mind from the basic truths of Christianity. Indulgences and penances are not basic doctrine, and it leads to tangential pieties and self flagellations. All of which become the focus
and distract from the source of joy. Jesus' gifts and miracles become out of focus and there is instead a focus and all of the issues that surround the core of truth, and so the church became weighted down and bloated with the beauties of the extraneous. Kind of the same problem that the Jews had at the coming of Christ.

How is it that focusing directly on or focusing slighty off from how is it that it is so easy to lose sight of Christ. How is it so easy to decide to commit to something that is part of Christ, but is not Christ Himself. Christ must be the only criteria, with the will of God. Not goodness, piety, law, reason or anything that we can understand. Anything that God says to do is good, as Samuel slew the Amalekite king, which Saul forgot to do.

As a reminder

I still intend to have sex with only one man.
Two if something happens to the first

My Time is Yours

Dearest God

My relationship with You is suffering because I spend so much time thinking about all of this stuff. God almighty I pray to you because I am supposed to acknowledge You in all my ways, not acknowledge THIS every second of the day. Forgive me for yielding to the temptation to be distracted from You.

This suffering is definitely worth all effort even though the reason for it is really a sad thing and not to be laughed at, but it is so hilarious. It is worth it after all. The prize missed is etraordinarily great of course, but I am SUCH a SIMPLE person that I can make do with less than nothing. it is pleasure. pure pleasure.

As for you, it was in your mind to do me evil, but God has given a happy outcome, the salvation of numbers of people, as you see today. Genesis 50.20

We are not our own

It is better to be yielding, and protective of all things that are one's own, not someone who looks for the soft parts of others and hacks at them with shards of glass. it would be nice to know that in desperation one would never destroy you .

it is necessary for a husband to be someone that you can submit to and support. so it is important to help and not attack in desperate neediness, to be able to be stable under pressure.

You are my motivation

God if I base anything on my feelings, I would say no. I am a little sick exhausted and tired of the whole thing. I dont even know if my original motivation was from You. But Murdock says that if something is offered to please You You will reward. So it rests as it was, and I wait for You to reveal YOUR will, not the will or interest of the crowd. Not even the will or interest of any human being involved, but what You alone want. Please let me know if this is something that You want me to do blessed Lord. I am personally not so concerned any more, but I will leave it in God's hands. After all I am not basing my actions only on my feelings. I think some people do.

I need a sign

Jesus, thank you for overcoming my body and guiding me with Your spirit. I am honored
that You still recognize me, because I am a sinner and not worthy of Your grace. But I am
willing and zealous for Your kingdom.
To give life to the world is the greatest of miracles. To offer freedom to the soul and mind
and to uplift is the sign from God.